WHY We Tease - Red Heads
 Teasers and Bullies:
WHY do people tease, bully, pick on people?
WHAT is their motivation?
WHY do they act that way? -- A multitude of reasons why we tease -- - To get satisfaction, a payoff, when they get a reaction out of the ‘victim’
- To be noticed and valued, not ignored
- To be the center of attention
- To avoid being vulnerable so hurt others before they get hurt themselves
- For pleasure or amuse themselves
- May have become a hobby or addictive habit they won’t/can’t stop
- To show off their wit and imagination
 - To flirt, annoy, or insult
- To overcome jealousy
- For revenge
- To reject someone
- To feel victorious and confident
- To feel smart
- To put others down so they feel superior, better about themselves
- To feel popular and important
- To feel like they have power over someone
- May have come from an angry family where name-calling and teasing is ‘normal’ so don’t know any better
- They are just copying what they saw someone else do
- Maybe they’ve been bullied and teased themselves
- Some men equate teasing with their masculinity
- Don’t understand or care about other’s feelings
(Do any of these sound familiar?)
WHO do they tease? Actually, however, teasers often AVOID teasing someone they fear because they can’t intimidate them. They’ll usually pick on someone they think they can have power over, who gets upset easily or who has trouble sticking up for themselves. Also, some avoid teasing people who are sensitive or unpredictable or people they don’t know well because they are afraid their negative remarks will be misinterpreted by others. Often teasers wait until they know someone better instead of when they first meet them. Sometimes bullies know what they are doing or saying hurts other people. Sometimes bullies just pick on a kid for no reason at all. (Visit my page on "HOW we tease" to learn more on this as well.)
-- IS There HELP FOR TEASERS and/or BULLIES? -- What Happens to Bullies?  If they keep hurting people and acting mean, they’ll most likely end up in trouble. Perhaps they only have a few friends left, kids like them. 
If the ‘light bulb’ comes on and they realize no one will respect them or like them when they pick on others, then perhaps they’ll change. They need to stop blaming others for their actions. But every kid has a choice about how to act. We can all choose to act in better ways, new ways. Bullies and teasers CAN learn to change their behavior. Some never learn but some turn into great kids. Parents, teachers, and other grownups can help them see some of the reasons 'why we tease'. It’s never too late to change.
-- IF YOUR CHILD Is Bullying/Teasing Other Children --(from book Teasing by L. Sones Feinberg) - If your child is the bully, do not be his enabler (you help him continue the behavior).
- Teach them to bear the responsibility for their actions and accept the consequences of inappropriate behavior.
- Don’t enable your children to be bullies by teaching them to feel superior to others, especially because of color or faith or sex or how we look.
- If your child is modeling your own bullying behavior, end your own bullying. Family therapy may be needed.
- Parents should not use physical discipline to punish children. (It’s best to remove privileges.)
- Parents should avoid leaving their children unsupervised if they have a problem bullying others.
WHO We Tease | HOW We Tease | Reactions to Teasing
Advice From Redheads | Tips for Parents | Tips for Kids
Go to "Teasing" -- main page
Leave "Why We Tease" and go to "Home Page"
|
Subscribe To The 'RR Blog'
