Preventing Sexual Abuse

Preventing sexual abuse is a growing issue.
News stories are reported daily and increasing.
As parents and guardians of our precious red heads, all children, we start wondering --

* How can we trust anyone?
* Are our kids even safe in our own house?
* Will I ever stop being anxious just letting our kids leave the house?

WHO DOES THIS?:
Most often they are a family member, stepparent, a boyfriend/girlfriend, an older child, a friend, or a neighbor. They can be the nice guy at the soccer league, at church or synagogue, at neighborhood events. Unfortunately, sexual abusers and pedophiles are skilled a winning their way into our trust and seldom look scary or threatening. They are often willing to entertain the kids so tired parents can have time off, and unfortunately this is how they worm their way into a situation to be alone with the children and abuse them. Preventing sexual abuse starts with being observant and aware.

STATISTICS:
Some national statistics are:
-- Its estimated 33% of girls and 20% of boys suffer sexual abuse before age 18.
-- In 93% of sexual abuse cases, the child knows the offender, suggesting that the abuse is happening within the family or among family friends.

Once a child becomes a victim of sexual abuse and there’s no acknowledgment, intervention or treatment given, these problems likely develop in the future:
-- More likely to become pregnant as a teenager
-- More likely to develop substance abuse
-- Up to 50% more likely to enter the criminal justice system or mental health systems
-- More likely to develop anxiety, depression, guild, poor self-esteem, flashbacks, hopelessness, self-mutilation or cutting, relationship and trust problems, intimacy problems, and/or attempt suicide
-- More likely to abuse other children or commit sexually deviant acts

ACTION YOU CAN TAKE:
Nevertheless, we are NOT completely powerless in preventing sexual about, protecting our children. There ARE some steps we can take to keep our kids safer:
(from article in Sunday Chieftain newspaper, by Ellen Cooney, child advocate)

• To single moms and dads:
  Do everything you can to screen new partners before you bring them into your home to live with you. Just like employers screen for criminal history, drugs, sexual offenses, so why shouldn’t you? Too much trouble? Your kids are at risk if you don’t!
  -- Have met their friends, family, or employer and do they seem to trust this person?
  -- Are your partner’s relationships healthy?

  AT A MINIMUM -
  -- Check the online registered sex offenders registry, which is public information (see my web page with listings) and or local police office before you give that new boyfriend or girlfriend free access to your kids!
  -- You can even do background check, which is affordable through many Web sites. Remember, that new partner doesn’t love your child like you do and it’s easy for them to use them for their own gratification.

  

• To churches/synagogues:
  Because they are communities of faith and values, churches and synagogues are vulnerable to sexual abuse of children. They trust and rely on the people in their congregations to volunteer, teach, serve, and help others. Preventing sexual abuse has to be a priority.
  -- Have a church policy set up beforehand that your leadership can follow when training and looking at volunteers and leaders.
  -- So, be sure to do your homework and do background checks on anyone involved with children in any capacity.
  -- Check out the sex offenders registries!
  -- Protect privacy and restrict one-on-one access to children are by having windows in classrooms doors, pairing up with unrelated adults working with children, having spot checks by other adults. And again, do background checks!!!

  

• To parents:
  1)Often a child or tween will go to a friend’s house they know and trust, but from there the kids go somewhere else to see someone YOU don’t know.
  2) Keep checking in with your kids and know where they are and who they are with. With cells phones, text messages, and GPS systems, you can keep checking. If you aren’t sure they are truthful, go there to check it out!
  3) Be wary when there are age differences between your child and an 'interested' adult. Teens and adults seldom are interested in children more than a couple years younger than they are (for legitimate reasons, anyway). It’s a red flag if an 18-year-old is spending a lot of time with your 14-year-old or even bigger gap in age.
  4) Beware of adults giving lot of gifts to kids or an adult in the neighborhood with all the fun toys and games (not for their own kids) that draw kids to their home.
  5) Check the history on their computers and cell phones too! Know who they’ve teen texting and what has been sent or received? (See my page on "Sexting" !!) Have they been visiting any unsafe sites? Have software filters on the computers to prevent adult-content sites too.

SUSPECT SEXUAL ABUSE?:

• Tell your child it’s OK to be open about it all and to avoid keeping secrets with another person (especially when cause fear and guilt feelings)

• Keep communication open with your kids so they will trust you and tell you if something sexual has occurred

• Assume they are telling you the truth when they do share

• Respect what your kid is saying and not be judgemental or suggest they’re making it up. How you respond to their disclosure is critical in helping resolve their trauma.

• Tell the child it’s not their fault and they are not to blame for what happened!

• Tell the child you will protect him/her from future abuse and then follow through on reporting it to authorities. If it is occurring within the family, report it to the Dept. of Social Services in your area. If outside the family, then report it to the police or district attorney’s office.

• Seek professional help. Child Advocacy Centers and help lines are good places to start. Look online and in your local phone books, and other resources.

Child advocate workers and other agencies that work in this area say what breaks their hearts is when danger signals are there and no one heeds them. There is nothing that can 100% guarantee our children’s safety, but we can do some things to lessen the odds. Let’s do what we can to protect those most vulnerable – our children!

Leave "Preventing Sexual Abuse" and go to "Home Page"

Return to "Child Safety Tips" main page

Go to "Sexting Dangers"