Parenting Styles and
Raising Your Red Heads
 We all have different parenting styles. Some of it depends on our own background, culture, personality, values, and how we were raised.
So WHY should you even care which ‘style’ you have?...
I believe it helps us change the negatives and do a better job. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If children are being raised by 2 parents, I think it’s SO important that the adults agree in their parenting styles. If there’s no agreement, strife is certain to be present in the home. .....For example, one parent may have been raised in a home that was very dictatorial and the other parent may have been raised in a very indulgent home. Perhaps you DO NOT want to be like your parents and to raise your kids differently. Or, maybe you DO WANT to be like your parents. I suggest you TALK to your partner (when the kids are NOT around or behind closed doors) to decide how to handle discipline and other issues. Be a united front. * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  In our own home we had ‘discussions’ many times to decide how to approach situations that came up with our red heads; our parenting styles were similar in some areas but very different in others. The teen years were admittedly a real challenge at times.
My husband and I didn’t always agree, but ultimately we found a sort of solution or one of us had to compromise. Although we tried not to ‘disagree’ on parenting decisions in front of our redheads, it didn’t always happen and it made things worse when we argued about it in front of the kids – bad idea. I admit it drove us to a lot of prayer for wisdom and some days I shed a lot of tears. * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
For those parenting alone like single parents, grandparents, siblings, I suppose it must feel like it’s all on your shoulders. Except for my husband's frequent absences for several months at a time due to his job, I haven’t been in that sort of permanent situation personally. However, I have many family members doing just that; I admire them and see how difficult it can be. I guess my advice is don’t be afraid to ask for advice and help from family, clergy, friends, the community, teachers, etc.
SO, WHAT PARENTING STYLE are you?Depending on which expert you listen to, there are anywhere from 3 to 5 or so different parenting styles and some are included here. These aren't hard and fast but more general descriptions of patterns. Probably our own style becomes a mix of several of these. (These really describe what we would consider ‘normal’ parenting, not abusive or severely deviant homes.)  -- Permissive or Indulgent style
Very open and agreeable, supportive and often emphasize your chiid’s self-goals, may be conforming and too lenient, like to motivate child from behind the scenes. Place very few boundaries, limits, or demands on them. Tend to want to be liked by them and not want to be too strict.
-- Collaborative or team player style
Like to share responsibilities, not like being in leadership role, rarely bossy, can be undisciplined, can be manipulative in order to control, reacts easily. -- Dictatorial or domineering style
Controlling, the authority, can be strict and inflexible, tend to be efficient and decisive, task-oriented, and often strict. Usually not discuss reasons for rules and boundaries. Expected to conform and comply to rules and directions without question. -- Uninvolved or neglectful style
Hands-off and detached with children yet still providing basic needs. No limits are set and are unsupportive. Tend to be more interested in their own lives than the children and are uninterested with little affection toward them. -- Balanced or authoritative style
Nurturing with expectations, rules and boundaries yet allow dialogue between family members, stress independence and making own decisions yet with limits, expect maturity, discipline without being harsh, able to build self-esteem and worth in the children. Not overly controlling.
The PREFERRED style.
 LEGACIES The parenting styles of our own parents or caregivers influence us in a positive or a negative way. It helps to identify those parenting behaviors we learned from others --- then keep the good stuff and get rid of the negative stuff. Pass on the good traits and actions and stop the bad. - What's the legacy from the people who raised you?
- What's your legacy going to be?
 If you want to explore this more, I encourage you to fill out this free 2-page 'Family Legacy Quiz' - just CLICK HERE. (This downloads a 2-page PDF document in a new window.
If you don't have 'Adobe Reader' to open PDF files, you can download it free from their website by clicking HERE.)
* * * * * * * * * * * * *I believe good parenting skills CAN be learned by reading, watching other families, research, classes, and staying teachable. It's tough sometimes and we're all just trying to do the best we can. BUT there is help out there so don't be afraid to seek it out while raising your red heads..... Blessings to you in your journey. 
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