Job Evaluation Funny Quotes

These job evaluation quotes have been circulating for a while, supposedly taken from actual job performance evaluations –- but who really knows??!!??

If you’ve been in the workplace for any length of time, it’s not hard to imagine these could have actually been written about employees. Think they got a promotion?? - or that raise??

SO, whatever 1st job or position you hold now, be the BEST worker you can be and try not to get a job evaluation like these!

• I would not allow this employee to breed.
• This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t be.
• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
• When she stops to open her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
• He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
• This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• This employee should go far and sooner he starts, the better.
• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

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• The biggest tool in the shed.
• Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.
• A room temperature IQ.
• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
• A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. [My NOTE: a “gross” unit of measurement is 12 x 12, a dozen times a dozen, or 144]
• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
• A prime candidate for natural deselection.
• One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
• Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
• Fell out of the family tree.

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• Bright as Alaska in December.
• Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
• Has two brains: one is lost, and the other is looking for it.
• If brains were taxed, she would get a refund.
• If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
• He’s so dense light bends around him.
• If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
• One neuron short of a synapse.
• Takes him an hour and a half (90 minutes) to watch 60 minutes.

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• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
• Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
• Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
• If you see 2 people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.
• He doesn’t have ulcers; he’s a carrier.
• He’s been working with glue too much.
• He would argue with a signpost.
• He has a knack for making strangers immediately.
• He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

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