Dating Violence and Dating Abuse

• Is your red head dating or in a relationship?
• Do you know about 'dating violence'?
• Is dating coming up in the near future?

......then PLEASE read this information!

This is a serious issue that parents and grownups need to know about!

Did you know that teens and young adults have one of the highest rates of DATING VIOLENCE, dating abuse, and domestic violence and that up to 80% of their parents don’t even know it’s going on?

I was SHOCKED to discover that anywhere from 1 in 5 to 1 in 3 teens report some type of abuse in dating relationships. According to the teen dating violence advocacy group, Break the Cycle, young women between ages 16 and 24 have one of the highest rates of abuse!

The same group also reports that teens who are in abusive relationships often have higher rates of eating disorders, substance abuse, high-risk sex, and suicide.

It’s very possible you may know someone, a relative or friend, or even be in an abusive relationship yourself. It’s vital you learn how to be safe and protect yourself or a loved one from dating violence.

Dating abuse can be verbal or emotional abuse, not just physical. Plus, our new technology can now allow harassment with obsessive text messages, using cellphones, and even MySpace and Facebook.

If teens continue to carry on this behavior, it can continue into adulthood. Dating violence and dating abuse affects families, children, and our communities.

-- Is your dating relationship healthy?
-- Is there trust, respect, honesty and communication in your relationship?
-- Can you recognize dating abuse if it happens?
-- Are you afraid of your partner?

Make sure 'your red heads' are aware of the warning signs of dating abuse. Read through them.
IF THIS IS YOU OR YOU KNOW SOMEONE dealing with this, get help and/or notify friends and family. Don't wait!

1. Pushes for quick involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, "I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. Jealous: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.
3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.
6. Blames others for problems and mistakes: It’s always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong.
7. Makes others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says, "You make me angry." Instead of "I am angry," or says, "You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you."
8. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.
9. Cruelty to animals or children: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their abilities (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
10. "Playful" use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
11. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
12. Rigid gender roles: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.
13. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweet to violent in a matter of minutes.
14. Past battering:Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person made him (or her) do it.
15. Threats of violence: Says things like, "I’ll break your neck," or "I’ll kill you." And then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn’t really mean it."

• Create a plan to be safe, whether you stay with or leave the person.
• Tell your partner you will NOT tolerate any abuse or violence.
• Know your rights
• Let parents and/or other adults know what is going on. They can’t help if they don’t know about it!
• FANTASTIC RESOURCES on this topic are available at www.thesafespace.org.
• Call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474.
• Call police if you are in danger (911) or need help.

You can find out how YOUR state is doing regarding civil domestic violence protection order laws and more at www.breakthecycle.org.

Go to "Teenagers" main page

Go to "Teen Dating"

Go to "A Love Letter"

Leave "Dating Violence" and go to "Home Page"